Mechanic In Disguise Pillows

'Had I known this opera was a formal thing, I wouldn't have worked on my car before coming. Do they serve beer?'

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

Keyworker

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

"Any other skills?"

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

'We've found the problem...'

'Please hold any incoming personal calls for me. I need to disappear into character for a while!'

"Hey, buddy. If you're not making a call, vacate the booth!"

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"How was your day, dear?"

Dramatic lighting in the drama department.

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

'Oh, well, I had to take it in to get the oil changed anyway.'

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

Politics Books

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

"My weakness is collectible porcelain ponies."

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

No Soliciting

"Thanks for the keyboard, grandma. But it's not the type I'm in need of."

"I'd suggest cutting back on the practical joking and to ask people not to pull your finger so hard."

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

"I secretly put decaf in my office coffeemaker so all of my coworkers work at my speed.'