Mechanic Gifts

"We can't come to an agreement about how to fix your car, Mr. Simons. Sometimes that's the way things happen in a democracy."

'When last did you have your oil changed?'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"Yeah, I've been in rehub."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

"Get all the second opinions you want, doctor, …. You'll still be a quart low."

'Where ya goin'?' 'Collectin' nuts.'

"I am sorry - but, it's rusted up solid, I am gonna have to replace the calf, ankle and foot..."

'We've found the problem...'

'We're looking for someone with your exact qualifications, but a mechanical version.'

Brakes are fine. You need new glasses.

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

'Alright, alright, you've won your bet: You can lift me with one hand...'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'You've got a better idea? The paddles are Broken. Just turn the key.'

"It doesn't look good. Leave it with us overnight and hope it gets stolen."

'You won't hear that funny noise anymore. I turned up the volume on your radio and pulled off the knob.'

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

Translating Contractor to English

Electric powered sleigh with wrong fitting.

'Well here's your problem - the wheel hasn't been invented yet.'

"I'm getting this irritating little 'tap, tap' sound somewhere behind the dashboard."

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

Motorcycle Faith Healer

'Wouldn't it be funny if it was just out of gas?'

But is it practical? In theory, yes.

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

Natural gas

'Well, I think I know why you've been having trouble starting her.'

'It's broke. I could fix it, but then you'd be broke.'

Quantum Mechanics.

'On behalf of Charter airlines may I apologise again for the delay while the plane is being built.'

'It's my car now, but as soon as it's fixed, it'll be my daughter's again.'

'I think this explains the funny noises coming from your engine.'