Mechanics Gifts

"We can't come to an agreement about how to fix your car, Mr. Simons. Sometimes that's the way things happen in a democracy."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Where ya goin'?' 'Collectin' nuts.'

'We've found the problem...'

'We're looking for someone with your exact qualifications, but a mechanical version.'

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

But is it practical? In theory, yes.

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'Well, I think I know why you've been having trouble starting her.'

Dept of Entropy.

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

And could you put in a louder horn?'

Influences.

'Don't bother rotating the tires. They rotated on their own all the way here.'

The Department of Emerging Technologies.

"When you're done here can you look at my laptop?"

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

'Have you tried turning it off and on again?'

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'According to our diagnostic computer, your car wants to have $800 spent on it.'

"Excellent company car. Especially if you work from home."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

'You need a new bobbin.'

Airliner passenger sees mechanic reading book on how to repair the engines.

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"Your engine was running amok. We had to call in the authorities."

"Try blowing on it."

'Robert likes to watch the mechanic as he works.'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'Believe me, we've tried everything... All we get is a 'click-click-whirrr' kind of noise, a big 'CLUNK' and then NOTHING!'

'Well, THERE'S your problem.'

'First of all, it didn't malfunction, it broke. Never waste a $20 word on a $2 car.'