Mechanics Gifts

"We can't come to an agreement about how to fix your car, Mr. Simons. Sometimes that's the way things happen in a democracy."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Where ya goin'?' 'Collectin' nuts.'

"I am sorry - but, it's rusted up solid, I am gonna have to replace the calf, ankle and foot..."

'We've found the problem...'

'We're looking for someone with your exact qualifications, but a mechanical version.'

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

But is it practical? In theory, yes.

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'Well, I think I know why you've been having trouble starting her.'

Dept of Entropy.

And could you put in a louder horn?'

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'Have you tried turning it off and on again?'

'Off hand, I'd say it's a problem with your distributor.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

"When you're done here can you look at my laptop?"

'Don't bother rotating the tires. They rotated on their own all the way here.'

'According to our diagnostic computer, your car wants to have $800 spent on it.'

Influences.

"Excellent company car. Especially if you work from home."

'The rust problem turned out to be more extensive than we expected.'

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

The Department of Emerging Technologies.

'You need a new bobbin.'

Airliner passenger sees mechanic reading book on how to repair the engines.

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"Your engine was running amok. We had to call in the authorities."

Stuck Accelerator Toyota.

'Believe me, we've tried everything... All we get is a 'click-click-whirrr' kind of noise, a big 'CLUNK' and then NOTHING!'

"Try blowing on it."

'Well, THERE'S your problem.'

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.