Meatball Critic Gifts

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Footballer playing for time

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

"But is it art?"

World Meat Consumptiom

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

Match Fixing in Malaysia

Doping

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

World Cup. Half Empty.

"But Nonno made them specially for you, princess."

Match-fixing (cricket)

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

Novak Djokovic

'The selectors must be meeting...'

"This part of the match was fixed...errr....sponsered by..."

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

"Have you considered the option of being chopped up into small pieces and chargrilled in a mid range restaurant?"

'Baseball isn't a sport?'

'Just 3 problems with the England team - they can't bat, can't bowl and can't field!'

'Thank goodness those bloody games are over. Maybe now they'll put something decent on the telly.'