Meatball Critic Gifts

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Footballer playing for time

Red State Football

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

"But is it art?"

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

World Meat Consumptiom

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

World Cup. Half Empty.

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Doping

Match Fixing in Malaysia

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

Match-fixing (cricket)

"But Nonno made them specially for you, princess."

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'The selectors must be meeting...'

"Have you considered the option of being chopped up into small pieces and chargrilled in a mid range restaurant?"

"This part of the match was fixed...errr....sponsered by..."

'Baseball isn't a sport?'

Novak Djokovic

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

'Just 3 problems with the England team - they can't bat, can't bowl and can't field!'