Meat Industry Critics Gifts

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

Fresh Fish

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

Master Chef

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

And this is one we made earlier.

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'