Meat Alternative Seeker Pillows

'We're not really vegetarians, but we would like something that died of natural causes.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

DIY Butchers

Some people like coming home to a dog. Carly preferred an 8 piece funk brass band.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

Go Veggie...

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

The Potato Man

'How many vegetables died for your stupid salad?'

"A vegetarian option...? Certainly Madam, through the door on your left."

"I can tell you're enjoying your alternative-meat burger. Look at the beet juice running down your chin!"

Free-range tofu.

'We do not discuss soybeans on these premises, Mrs. Grommet.'

Freshly shaved ham.

"It's the only organic lacto-vegan menu I could find that fitted into the firms Christmas meal budget."

Naming the Chickow meat. Cheef. Bicken. Beeficken??

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

'Polly wants a T-bone steak.'

"I suppose if I'm really honest with myself I'm not totally fine with being slaughtered."

"I'm a vegan, and my ex is a carnivore. We were divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable dinners."

Deceptive Vegan Lasagna: Gluten-free pasta, Ricotta cheese substitute, Tomato-free tomato sauce, Leftovers, Pork, chicken, dairy and lots of gluten, Files from '05

Vegetarian Butcher

'The only problem being a Beefeater is that I'm a vegetarian.'

"Oh, give me a break. I quit smoking."

'Well our Jim did say he was going for something alternative!'