Meal Planner Extraordinaire Gifts

"No bread for Grampa. He's on a glutten-free diet."

Man in the shower-bath when the butcher calls

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"What's the speed of dinner tonight... slow cooker or fast food?"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Chez Nous Menu

Soup of the month.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Before/After

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Horn of Leftovers

Kiddies Menu for Witches

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"