Meal Planner Extraordinaire Gifts

"No bread for Grampa. He's on a glutten-free diet."

Man in the shower-bath when the butcher calls

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"What's the speed of dinner tonight... slow cooker or fast food?"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Soup of the month.

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Chez Nous Menu

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Before/After

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Horn of Leftovers

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"