Meal Planner With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Soup of the month.

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Like death by salad.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Kiddies Menu for Witches

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Make your resolutions achievable.

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

Wedding cake figures having marital problems.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"This is where the party budget ran out."

'There was a power failure today - we're having steak, fish, chicken, hamburger, turkey, and pork chops for dinner.'

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."