Meal Maestros T-Shirts

'This plate is wet.'

'Is this the remains of last Sunday's beef roast, or something left over from the dawn of creation?'

"My husband's a surgeon, he can't let go of his work."

Tartine

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Burnt or Raw?

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'What'll it be?'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

A butcher and his apprentice.

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"Oh -- I've got one! If you could have dinner with anyone from history, living or dead, who would you have cater it?"

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"I don't like it."

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'