Hashtag Meal Maestro T-Shirts

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

Tartine

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Burnt or Raw?

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'What'll it be?'

WHACK!

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

A butcher and his apprentice.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

"Oh -- I've got one! If you could have dinner with anyone from history, living or dead, who would you have cater it?"

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

"Actually, would you mind turning and shooting at 7 paces? Any more and you'll walk out of frame for my YouTube video."

"I don't like it."

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'