Meal Maestro T-Shirts

"I take it you didn't like my meatballs."

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

'Dinner time at our house is pretty rough with all the yelling, food fights, and time-outs. The scary thing is we don't even have kids.'

"The receipe? From shutupandeatit dot com."

"Those aren't three-star-restaurant pants."

"I'm unable to process this image."

'How should I know what it is, I'm just the person who cooks things!'

'To be honest, I can't recommend the grab bag.'

Van To-Gogh.

"Good dog. Good dog."

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Survival of the Foodiest

Tartine

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"He's such a fussy eater."

A Tit for Tat.

Burnt or Raw?

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'What'll it be?'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

WHACK!

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'