Mattress Money Hoarder Gifts

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

The Mattress Savings Bank

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'It was a gift.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'The furniture store next, I'm going to need a larger wardrobe.'

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'Good news for people who hide their money under the mattresses.'

"If they're going to try and take more of my money on taxes have a good night to move abroad I'm not paying my taxes somewhere else!"

'Are you eligible to join 'Miser' the high accrue society?'

"Over there is first dollar we ever made; next to that is the second dollar we ever made."

'Throw Your Money Down a Rathole' vending machine.

"Sorry about the clutter. It's been one of those weeks."

"Aren't you supposed to get rid of the old mobile, when you buy a new one."

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

Mattress stores are everywhere

Soft Landings

"Are you sure you want me dying on the memory foam mattress?"

Toilet Paper Inheritance

"I'm a conservative investor. When the piggy bank gets full, the money goes right into my mattress!"

'Walter doesn't trust banks.'