Matchmaking Myths Pillows

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

"What's wrong?"

Cupid

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'I don't know what he sees in her - she can't even freeze an embryo.'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'How are Rod and Cindy getting on?' 'Like a house on fire!'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

Mister, Inc: 'Wrong...Right'

Dating site - buy a dog.

Online Dating

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

"I think they'll be perfect together. He's a journalist and she's a complete composite."

Ventrilamatch.com

"She didn't know what she was saying, Mr Kalish. Please believe me."

'Hello? Help me out here. Would it kill you to show a little interest?'

"Yes, my personal ad said I was looking for a match, however..."