Matchmaker's Eye Pillows

Loneliness.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Today's love

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."