Matchmaker's Eye Pillows

Loneliness.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

Today's love

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."