Master Of Misdirection Pillows

A prisoner holding a sign with arrows pointing in all directions as a police officer looks on from a police van.

"Now I'll tell you why I was happy talking to you for so long. My husband is standing for the opposition and I've just stopped you canvassing for 2 hours!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

CIA - Incognito/Outcognito.

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

"We were told we could find the Wells Fargo records here."

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

Houdini's infancy.

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

DIY expert.

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

'How'd you get out of time-out??. . . Dude, if you do the crime, you do the time.'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

"...and remember, son - every now and then, refuse to eat your dinner no matter how good it looks or how hungry you are. It drives the dumb humans crazy!"

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

'As a baby sitter, you shouldn't think of me as a bratty kid...think of me as a jobs creator!'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"As for you, Cheetah, I don't want any of your monkey business!"

'I think you mean my alleged pranks in class.'

'I got caught cribbing from Charley Jones' laptop!'

'OK, OK, you got me. YOu just couldn't let it go, could you.'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'I convinced her that good behavior is a stealth tactic that'll help her reach her goal to one day rule the world.'

Goldfish Practical Joke: 'Flush me!'