Master Of Mergers Gifts

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

The president's men

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.'

Fish and color

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

Traffic Management Strategic Group

'I believe in aggressive mergers, Celia.'

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"I gotta admit, he's one hell of a negotiator."

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

"I always cry at mergers."

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

Hats: Management/Good Job/Friendly but Aloof.

Project Manager Showdown

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'