Master Of Excuses Pillows

"We must stay focused on the problems of today so we can formulate the excuses for tomorrow."

"Let me guess - your gas pedal stuck."

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'I was just, er, conserving energy.'

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

"I was running late, Mr. Morris, so I thought I'd finish my homework while I showered!"

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Oh, I'm not really milking her. I do this so I don't have to make eye contact with anybody."

It was clear from an early age that Colin was going to be a politician.

'You're quite right boss, I asked for time off to keep an urgent appointment with my dentist. This is him...'

A Day In The Life Of... Deflector Man

"You create a diversion and I'll sneak out the back door."

'I brought my doctor to verify why you're not at work, Shapiro.'

"What? Speak up! I can't hear you! I'm getting outside interference!"

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"I guess I'll need to stay home from school 'til the bandages come off."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

'Can you stop giving me homework, Miss...My dog's putting on weight.'

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

'What's procrastination?'

"Sorry I can't make it tonight, I'm busy organising my widgets."