Master Of Downtime Gifts

"Fred is the counterpoint to a perpetual motion machine."

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Man's cooking explodes.

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'As usual, I'm right on time. My internal alarm clock always wakes me just as theses meetings are over.'

'I can't decide weather to have a feisty or a sassy management style.'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

The Procrastinatorium.

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."

DIY expert.

'Treat me easy this morning.'

Employees need to be treated like adults...

"Oh, him? He's BORED CERTIFIED."

Procrastinator's Leap.

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

"No, your laptop turning red isn't a new, cool feature. It's red because it's hot. When is the last time you cleaned it?"

'Are you worried about layoffs?'

"There's absolutely nothing to do. Wanna start a podcast?"

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'The problem's too simple - call someone else'

"I'm sorry you've got a sudden craving for nachos, Mrs. Hacksburry, but I really don't want to open the store right now!"

Zerotasking

"Isn't this the season for you to regret not winterizing the lawnmower last fall?"

Executive's in and out boxes are labeled - One Ear and The Other.

'What's procrastination?'

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

"Looks like rain."