Master Of Distractions Gifts

'What's procrastination?'

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

KEYS TO SUCCESSFUL MEETINGS: Don't be distracted by non-essential activities, no matter how much fun they may be.

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

Pizza time.

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

"You think you have problems? My entire wing command was just destroyed."

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

Houdini's infancy.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

Procrastinator's Leap.

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

'I was just, er, conserving energy.'

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'He was right at his desk a moment ago.'

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

"Fred is the counterpoint to a perpetual motion machine."

"All those close-up magic classes don't seem so 'worthless' on day 190 of quarantine, do they."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

"You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today."

"Let me guess - your gas pedal stuck."

'National hug your mom day!'

The Institute of Time Mismanagement Asks: 'Are You Procrastinating to Your Full Potential?'