Master Of Comebacks Pillows

An old lady snapping at a man attempting to help her up.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Gary turns 40.

'I made them during the blizzard in January. Whad'ya say we go liven up my sister's pool party?'

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

How Gary got his groove back.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

What a success story! It says this guy was in prison and now owns a corporation! Ah, he went from pen to inc.

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

'My homework? Why, at home.'

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

"He killed in rehab."

Broken ankle? Blown out knee? Compound fracture? No problem! Get back on the court in a jiff with the amazing new Roller Brace!

'He was our top salesman. We hope that one day, he will be again.'

Greg and Lee were having hours of fun with their photo copier breakdown remote control.

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

"It's not what it looks like" - What the illusionist said when his wife walked in.