Comeback Strategist Pillows

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

'I hate evolution!'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

The trap

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

How Gary got his groove back.

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

"I gotta go. I see an opening in the maelstrom."

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

'Reinventing myself.'

Software for the small businessman

"Crowd-funding's fantastic but the crowd-thanking is a real drag."

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."