Mash-up Master Pillows

"Alright Mr. Caldwell, you're all sewn up. Please be sure to fill out the online survey and don't forget to tip. Thanks."

"An everything Martini, please."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Hold it a second. I want to watch this."

'Not now, you'll spoil your dinner.'

"I'm hooking up with this guy who makes the funniest typos."

"You have to fly me up there! I'm the only one who can help Godzilla with his form!"

"They're not as scary on casual Friday."

Just Stop Oil Painting

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Mash-test Dummies.

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

"Let's see...how would Arnie handle this?"

Frankenstein as a boy

'You say it's milk, oh, oh, I must have hooked up the wrong pipes.'

the Carpenters greatest hits...

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'Oh well, at least it's breaking up the banks.'

I love badminton.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 32

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"What the hell is all this?"

"Frankincense you fool...."

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'I see you've got Billy scrubbing the decks again.'

"I think there's been a clerical error!"

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

'For the record I find creamed asparagus evil too.'

I see you're still on that subway diet.

"Grave robbing fiends - recycling body parts in non-recyclable plastic carrier bags!"

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

Alternative acupuncture.

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.