Mash Master Pillows

'For the record I find creamed asparagus evil too.'

Face painting.

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"An everything Martini, please."

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Happy now?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

'Not now, you'll spoil your dinner.'

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"I'm hooking up with this guy who makes the funniest typos."

Untidy bedroom

'It just came out. It handles forehands, backhands and overheads all in one motion.'

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians

Irritable gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

Just Stop Oil Painting

Is your monster coming to the party, Doctor Frankenstein? I don't know. Part of him wants to and part of him doesn't.

"You have to fly me up there! I'm the only one who can help Godzilla with his form!"

'Can I help it if I was given TWO left feet?'

'Who messed up my workbench?!'

"One day, many years from now, we'll look back at this and laugh."

'That's it boy! Find the floor!'

Man throwing food on floor in the excitement of a goal

"Can I help it if my pen leaks!"