Mascot Gifts

"And would it kill you to put some pizzazz into it?"

Mr Met

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Urban Gorilla

'It gets to the point where fans don't respond the way they used to. You need an edge, something more...' Cougar Charlie goes public about his long-standing battle with drugs.

'It's out of hand when the team mascot tests positive for steroids.'

"And I'm lucky, they only took my head! Last week they got Roger's hotpants!"

"Can this wait? I'll never live it down if my staff sees you henpecking me."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

A man washing a mascot costume

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"That's our new church mascot."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

"Pardon my glove."

Med School Mascots.

'Last warning, Girard! Get rid of that mask!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"It's all about teamwork. We even have our own mascot."

"Why do you always wear pants?"

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

"What do you mean hot dog is out sick?—but I'll look stupid all by myself!"

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

'Hi! I'm Nukee, the nuclear power mascot! You'll be seeing lots of me & I'll be seeing lots of you!

"Mr. Peanut is my dad—you can call me Rick."

No poking doughboy

"I don't think it sends the right vibe."

'What's the name of our new mascot again?' 'Mopey.'

"Yes we need it back. The team fired you, not Sharky."

"It does seem like a school-approved activity."

"I take it you're the bear foot field goal kicker."

'Looks like a little lucky mascot.'

"So... do we take him to the hospital or the veterinary clinic?"

Mr. Peanut sauced.