Mascara Maven Gifts

Modern day mirror.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

The adoration of the gels.

'Have you no common scents?!'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Like that?"

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Facial hair continental drift.

Arnold Schwarzenegger going to a party as Bach.

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

Life on Earth - Oldie catwalk.

The Venerable Bede

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

'I made a list of bikes I want to look at today. You may want to eat before we go, as this may take awhile.'

"I have the smokey eyes look. Can the doctor still give me an eye exam?"

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

"Might be a good idea to lighten up on the mascara hun'."

Small Clams Court

"My secretary just made me aware of the necessity of investing in the beauty industry."

"It's very indoorsy."

Vlad the Employer