Mascara Maven Mugs

Modern day mirror.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

The adoration of the gels.

'Have you no common scents?!'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Like that?"

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"Your mascara is running."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

Facial hair continental drift.

If this van's a rockin'...

Arnold Schwarzenegger going to a party as Bach.

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

The Venerable Bede

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

Life on Earth - Oldie catwalk.

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

'Pss-st, Harley-Davidson is up one-and-a-quarter...pass it on.'

"My secretary just made me aware of the necessity of investing in the beauty industry."

Vlad the Employer

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

"Might be a good idea to lighten up on the mascara hun'."

"It's very indoorsy."

Small Clams Court

'I made a list of bikes I want to look at today. You may want to eat before we go, as this may take awhile.'