Marzipan Enthusiast Gifts

"It's marzipan pigs."

City Zoo: Day Care

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Do you have any catsup?'

A mother and baby elephant

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Audio Books

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

A Macaroni in 1772

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"He didn't do anything, Gregory. This is a zoo"

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

Cheese

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Woman looking into a mirror

Thug life on safari.

Zoo Inc. Management Structure

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why kangaroos hate birthday parties.

"'Course I've seen one before...but never one that ate peanuts!"

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

The Litany Of Fun

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Zoo warden attempting to impress woman visitor

'Of course he knows he's a monkey, Timmy. You know you're a monkey, don't you?'

Try to look cute. Women love a guy who is nurturing an adorable pet. Does this little fella belong to you? He sure does. Really. He belongs to you> Is that how you feel? You own him? A creature like this belongs in a zoo you exploitative, egotistical jerk. Gulp. It just so happens that's what I like in a guy. It's life's twists and turns that I like. Your monkey just puked on me.

Casual Friday at the Zoo. Penguins.