Martyr Enthusiast Gifts

"Oh, here comes Melvin the Martyr. Just because he got here by a firing squad, he thinks he's 'holier than thou'."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Neo-International Law

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"We're following Carrot Top."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Military Medals

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

TV jester.

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

underwater knight

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'He's been brought in to save the company.'