Martial Arts Pretender Gifts

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

Overjumpers

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

'Remember me?'

'You may now kick the bride.'

Mod Kwan Doh

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Old Karate Master

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

Cluck Norris in...LAYED in ACTION!

'Your Thai-chi-chicken Sir.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Martial Arts

"Can you spare a few bricks ... I'm learning Karate."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"Watch out for Donlan. He came back from Tokyo with a black belt in collective bargaining."

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

'Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey...'

'I can say 'no' in five different languages: English, Spanish, German, Russian and Karate.'

Ninja.

"I was thinking, maybe karate isn't for me. Tio Ruben was a golden glove boxer. Maybe I can take up boxing! You don't know anything about boxing, do you, Tia Carmen?"

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

'I suppose this means I'll have to find someone else to practice my karate on.'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Dominique Valera - The King/Cat