Aspiring Martial Artist Gifts

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

Taekwon DOHHEAD: 'Grrrrr!'

Overjumpers

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

'Remember me?'

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'You may now kick the bride.'

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"I've been genetically modified!"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Mod Kwan Doh

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Old Karate Master

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Children's Imagination

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

'Your Thai-chi-chicken Sir.'

Cluck Norris in...LAYED in ACTION!