Award-winning Pretender Gifts

"On your CV it says you get the Nobel Prize for 'being spectacular', I didn't know there was one for that!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Parisian Misguided Tours.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

Plagiarism

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Because we're jerks."

On 'Friends Reunited' everyone can claim to be a front page maodel for GQ Magazine.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

"I'm very good at acting like I know what I'm doing."

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

Equality Championships

"Oh, I've always wanted to pretend to want to hike the Appalachian Trail."