Martial Arts Maverick Gifts

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

"Ninja bread men"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Have you any W fronts?'

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

How To Cut The Defense Budget

A weather vane on top of an artist's studio points in directions that include: "pop", "abstract", "figurative" and "post-painterly".

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

"who knows, Perkins maybe one day in the far future we'll be bullying each other in addictive artificial environments..."

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

'Note his bold brush strokes, Fred...'

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

Stealth fighter fly over.

'I play heavy metal.'

First Attempts: Wright Brothers. Hair-plane.

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

"You again?"

Sunburn.

High Kick

'Look at it another way. Think of the money you'll save on tires.'

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

"Yo, Mr. 'Knight of the Round Table' — this isn’t cilantro, it’s parsley."

£1,000,000 work of art vandalised by Join the Dots puzzle addict!

'He's not a doctor or an athletic trainer. He's not even a coach!'

Artist

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

'Oh, no! It's the Boogie Man!'

You have to admin, it's a bold way to test his approval ratings.

"Before you enter the water complete a full reversal of your political opinions."

Tattooist doing self portraits.