Multi-talented Maverick Gifts

A former ranch hand, Dr. Durmley liked to show off his ability to rope and extract a tooth.'

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Gene Therapy

So that's it? I've tweeted a risque photo of my bicep. What happens next? We wait for the outpouring. I'm ready. Bring on the outrage. C'mon media! Let's hear your disgust that some old man would brazenly send such a lascivious photo. Then, with the world looking at me, I'll astound them with my idea of a universal health care system! Wait. Wait. Not yet. it's time for my first nap of the day. Can we do this later? What? Zzzzz. Best way for this to end.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

Free Internet Access

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

"Careful how ya handle 'em Joe! They like to follow one another but they kin also turn nasty mighty quick!"

High School. I was suspended for throwing a Robert Frost book. They didn't see that it was performance - poetry in motion.

The Violin Artist

"I'm working on a watercolor."

I understand you all have names already, but if I want to assign my employees names I like, Margeret, I'll damn well go ahead and do it!

'You know you're 40 when...'

Conformity

Combing Baseball and Violin Practice.

Italian Army Knife

'Ever since this 'evolution' thing started, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.'

Don't sweat the small stuff

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

"I'm going to get my old dog, get an old pickup, a double-barrelled shotgun, get my old pink cotton print dress, and get back on Route 66!"

Working at a hospital

"He's our ideas man - I can never tell if he's working or not."

Man reading 'how to swim' book whilst swimming.

"I wonder how long before her innocent little mind is polluted by the internet?"

Thoughts

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

"I'm roundin' up a posse."

'Let's just say you've unfriended the wrong person!'

Tattooist doing self portraits.

"I begged you not to buy that book by Christopher Hitchens."

'I think starting up a multi billion pound empire involves more than asking all your online friends to give you all their money!'