Multi-talented Mavens Gifts

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

'I'm an atheist!'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Farmer's Market.

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

Dracula Admires His Offspring.

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

"After buying his 698th mobile device, his wife had him committed."

Agatha Christie

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'For added curb appeal, I think you should fill the moat.'

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Well the good news is that 67 people want to attend the leadership course, the bad news is that 58 of them want to run it!"

'Well! Another near miss! Remind me not to listen to you next time you say it's okay to move in downstairs from a young family and that's not the reason the place was so cheap!'

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

Houdini tries to get out of dinner with his in-laws.

"I'm glad I found the time to join this meeting, otherwise we wouldn't see each other in years!"

'Loose zips cause trips, Robert.'

"I see something horrible in your future; death... mayhem... EVIL... wait a see, it's just a fingerprint."

Working at a hospital

'My Brew's really hoppy. . . I use the whole frog!'

"Oh my God, I HAVE to touch your hair!"

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

"Guys my age get all their news from 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'"