Discipline Maverick Gifts

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Gene Therapy

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

Health Care Crisis table.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Hairstyles

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

David wasn't sure about the idea of having denim curtains.

First aid departments

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

Celebration in operating theatre.

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"You fit in. You just don't match."

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.

Biomedical Conference. To incentivize advances in medical science, more cures and fewer diseases should be named after people.

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

"We could try reversing the drug's side effects with gene therapy, but we don't want to get into trouble with the SPCA."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."