Monster Maverick Gifts

'Oh, no! It's the Boogie Man!'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

'First of all, relax.'

"I can see you're a ski newbie."

Motorcycles tied to hitching post outside a western saloon

'Clem,the doctor told you to get away and relax.'

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'Sue's troubles with the law began the day she bought that first motorbike.'

Ski kicker.

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

Biker chopper shopper

"Well, I guess this rock sample pretty much clears up any lingering doubts about life on Mars!"

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

"I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

Love Hurts

Absurd motorbike

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

'I wanted a little more speed. I just hope I'm not violating any laws by using a jet engine.'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

"Hells Angels, Zamboni Division"

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

"i'm not surprised to find this. You can fit a pickleball court anywhere."

Lox Ness Monster

Former CEO - Now King of the Highway.

"who knows, Perkins maybe one day in the far future we'll be bullying each other in addictive artificial environments..."

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

They just found two more dark moons around Uranus. Are you winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke? No, they really do think they found two new moons there. Kind of suspicious, if you ask me. As long as I can remember, Uranus had 27 moons, and the Solar System had 9 planets, including Pluto. Now those numbers change all the time. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we have to Uranuses. Yeah ... pretty sure you're winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke.

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

'I see you decided to build your own motorcycle. By the way, did you, by any chance, fail shop class in school?'

"Well, buddy....a lot of people are missing that. Just look at the social media comments."