Marriage Wit Pillows

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Doggone

Czarcasm

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

Paper Boy

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

You are cordially invited...

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!