Marriage Meme Enthusiast Pillows

Man dreams that his wife is refusing him sex.

"Is everything ok robert? You seem to be a little distant recently."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'