Marriage Guidance Pillows

"I'll be honest with you, this isn't going to be easy"

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'If we can save the whales we sure can save your marriage!'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'The wife will be late I'm afraid-it's my turn for the car today.'

It not your relationship that's died, Mr Dickerson. It's your wife

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Try Mediation

'Great Therapy!'

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'