Marriage Guidance Gifts

"I'll be honest with you, this isn't going to be easy"

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'If we can save the whales we sure can save your marriage!'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'The wife will be late I'm afraid-it's my turn for the car today.'

It not your relationship that's died, Mr Dickerson. It's your wife

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Great Therapy!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Fishing 'Just what the Hell IS your problem lady??'