Marriage Defender Gifts

"Father Ferguson is very old-school."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Fishing 'Just what the Hell IS your problem lady??'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'Right! That's bloody it! I'm calling for the wife-whisperer.'

"Let's be considerate of your wife's opinion and discuss her point that you're an idiot."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

'What do you mean, you don't like the look of him - What has he ever done to you?'

"Get me this! Get me that! Get me..."

"That drives me crazy!"

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

'She misses me alright-she's a lousy shot!'

"My husband's ill, so I'm standing in for him."

"I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling with you."

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

"Honey, am I getting the cauliflower crust pizza, or the pizza crust cauliflower?"

"Your honor...the only reason my clinet committed these crimes was to support his wife and five kiids."

Support Our Apologists.

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

'Stand by for shock waves!'

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'

"I am not in a gang! Unless you count my family."

"So it's come to this, Doreen."

"Sorry, Dear, the REAL me slipped out."

"And do you both agree to lower your expectations so this marriage will at least have a fighting chance?"

"I found a homing device in my wedding ring!"