Marriage Defender T-Shirts

"Father Ferguson is very old-school."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Fishing 'Just what the Hell IS your problem lady??'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'

'Right! That's bloody it! I'm calling for the wife-whisperer.'

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

"Get me this! Get me that! Get me..."

'What do you mean, you don't like the look of him - What has he ever done to you?'

"That drives me crazy!"

'She misses me alright-she's a lousy shot!'

"Honey, am I getting the cauliflower crust pizza, or the pizza crust cauliflower?"

"My husband's ill, so I'm standing in for him."

Support Our Apologists.

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

"Your honor...the only reason my clinet committed these crimes was to support his wife and five kiids."

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

"I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling with you."

'Stand by for shock waves!'

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'

'Please come in before you catch your death!'

"Sorry, Dear, the REAL me slipped out."

"So it's come to this, Doreen."

"And do you both agree to lower your expectations so this marriage will at least have a fighting chance?"

'I can't stand those snide little remarks and that constant beating around the bus...if you have anything at all to say...just shut up!'

"I am not in a gang! Unless you count my family."