Marriage Customs Gifts

"How vexing: He's exchanging eighty of us for one single bride!"

"So, it's cultural miss-appropriation, is it?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Try Mediation

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'