Marriage Bureau Staff T-Shirts

'-but I keep telling you-these things take time...'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

'Objection over-ruled!'