Marketer Gifts

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

"That's what I want to say. See if you can find some statistics to prove it."

'I like it. It's catchy and easy to remember.'

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

When Focus Group Researchers Go Head to Head

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

"Could we talk Girl Scout cookies?"

"If this drug doesn't relax your nerves, try chanting its incredibly soothing brand name."

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"It's not enough to just show up. You have to have a business plan."

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'Product diversification, I like that.'

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'It's so new we don't know what it does, but nobody else has it so we're selling the hell out of it.'

'Can't you see I'm busy?' - Machine gun salesman rejected during battle

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Legal says we could get by with the term 'super' but adding 'duper' might be pushing it.'

A vending machine is dispensing free lunches for $10

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

'...so the Marketing Department suggested I try a slide presentation.'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"We're changing our sales plan. From now on, instead of trying to get lots of customers, we're going to find just one really,really rich person to buy a whole lot of stuff."

"Now, that's product placement!"

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'We would like to offer your company the opportunity to become one of our biggest customers.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

"We can't say 'new and improved' until we come up with a product."

'Ok everyone, we want fresh ideas. There's no point in reinventing the...the...errmm...'

Dave finally figured a way of overcoming his fear of talking to people at networking events.

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'I'm giving you 10,000 free golf balls with my company's logo on them. Since you'll lose every one of them, it'll be good advertising.'