Marketeer Gifts

'The plan is to market our original product as a new product...'

'If at first you don't get the survey results you want on your first survey, get mad and tear it up.'

You've got to hand it to George..he NEVER lets a sale go without a fight.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"... and this year's 'Ducking Their Responsibilities' Award goes to..."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Apples for sale

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.