Market Life Gifts

East End Maternity Hospital - "It's a barrow boy."

The president's men

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

Weird things I do because of the internet

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Dow Jones drop

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

Tunnel of TV

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

"How is it gendered?"

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

"The club scene is really changing."

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

Larry's Literary Market

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Customer Convention

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water