Market Harmonist Gifts

'This next song's about spreading risk in a volatile market by diversification.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Why markets crash.

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Jumping Wall Street.

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

No Instruments Please

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

'Do we have any oldies but goodies that you would care to hear?'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

Wall Street Investing.

'Fresh eggs!'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"Find out if this is a market glitch or just the computer acting up!"

Trumpet and birds

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

High end of the market...

"It's the closest I get to being a hunter-gatherer."

Charging to a 10,000 Dow?