Household Harmonist Gifts

'It was a symbiotic relationship, one that had evolved over thousands and thousands of days'

'Nigel, what have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

The Work-from-Home-Polka

Separation Anxiety

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

Remote work

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Another thing is that it's really cool in the summer!

"Painted like this, finding furniture to match at least one colour should be simple!"

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

"Yep. Looks like I'm pregnant again."

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

I trimmed my natural plantings to look good for your house buyers. Thanks! Someone is coming over now. I'll hide out with you. For sale. This is a well-kept street. People love their neat, green lawns. Doesn't anyone keep an eco-friendly yard?

"My wife provides the scatter cushions and potpourri."

Musical washing

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

'Our counselor thinks we can work it out, but my Feng Shui consultant says I should divorce him.'

'Just because your father and I have decided to get married doesn't mean we love you any less.'