Household Harmony Lover Gifts

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Separation Anxiety

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

A woman's work is never done!

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Looks like I do dishes again.

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Blanket Pull

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'Wait, put that back where it was. Let's see how the scratching post looks in this corner.'

"Roommates"

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

"I apologize for the mess."

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

Theirs and Theirs

My mum is very houseproud.

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

This is Bad Feng Shui!